UPDATE: Our Fertility Journey

The day has finally come.  The first day of the last step of our final IVF cycle.

(read more about our journey here (this is a 5 part series), Update I, Update II, Update III)

Today our 7 little zygotes are being removed from the freezer and will be thawed.  Within hours, we will know how many survived the thawing process.  Within days, we will know how many embryos we will transfer.  Within weeks, we will know the outcome of our journey.  And all of that has hit me hard this week.

I’m not sure that the word “overwhelmed” even begins to capture how I’m feeling.  I had a check up on Monday morning and I have been extremely emotional since then.   I’m happy…happy that it is finally time.  I’m excited…so excited I allowed myself to looking at cribs and think about nursery design).  I’m nervous…nervous to learn how many will survive the thawing process. I’m scared…scared that the quality will be the same as my last 2 cycles.  I’m hopeful…very hopeful THIS IS OUR TIME!

I know I have to stay positive and, trust me, I have been since our retrieval in June.  I’ve had this gut feeling that this is going to work this time.  I’m going to get pregnant this time.  I’m going to be a mom.  Rudy is going to be a dad.  We are going to be parents.  But, I’m only human and I’ve struggled this week to not think about the other outcome.  In every aspect of my life, I always prepare for disappointment.  When I hurt, I hurt deep.  And this…this will more than hurt me; this will break me.

So, while I always try to stay strong and avoid asking for help; today, I ask for your prayers. Pray that our zygotes survive the thawing process.  Pray they develop into healthy embryos. Pray that we have a smooth transfer.  Pray for the doctors taking care of us.  Pray for us.  We need to be lifted up, so any thought or any prayer would be more than welcomed and appreciated.

God, I trust in your plan for us.  I know that only You control what is going happen.  So today, I pray:

“You know my deep desire for a child
A little one to love and to hold, to care for,
to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive
and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in
Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this
conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth
are in line with Your will.
Heavenly Father and Holy Mother,
hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.

With all my love,


Update: Our Fertility Journey

Happy Friday, friends!

I can’t believe it’s been 6 weeks since my last update, but I don’t have much to share since the retrieval.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been taking Lupron Depot since the beginning of July and the only side effect that I have experienced are HOT FLASHES.   That’s right, in the middle of summer with all of this humidity, I’ve been dealing with a roller coaster of sweats and chills.  I have at least one an hour, but in most cases I have 2 to 3 an hour.  They start with a burning sensation in my forehead and work down my entire body.   I know it’s gross but I get beads of sweat on my face, neck, arms, legs, stomach…all over.  I even sweat through my shirt sometimes…disgusting.  Once the hot flash passes, I get cold.  That repeats throughout the day and the night.  I haven’t slept well in over two months.

We went to the doctor on August 1st for a mock transfer and to discuss next steps for our zygotes.  I will admit, I was a little shocked about how that conversation went.  In my mind, we were going to have multiple IVF tries with the 7 frozen zygotes, which was really comforting.  I had never been through the thawing process, so I assumed that we would have several transfers.  Well, I was wrong.

Apparently, there is an 80% survival rate for thawed zygotes, which means we will end up with 5 or 6.  They will then develop for 3 days before the clinic tests them for quality.  At that time, the doctor will make a decision to either transfer or allow the embryos to develop until day 5.  Based on the history of how my embryos develop, the doctor thinks we will transfer day 3 and depending on the quality, we will transfer what we can.

I was shocked and I instantly started to worry.  This is it.  This is our final round of IVF and rather than having multiple transfers, we will have just one.  This is the end of our journey to have a biological child and that is so scary.  Rather than allow myself to stress and worry about it, I turned all of my energy into positive thoughts.  Since that day, I haven’t allowed myself to think anything but good things.  This is going to work.  We are going to get pregnant.  We are going to have a baby.   I continuously turn to God for comfort and strength.  I read my daily devotion as a reminder that He has a plan for us and I have to trust in that plan.

September is a big month for us.  On Tuesday the 30th of August, I go in for ultrasound/blood work and I start estrogen patches.  I’m on the patches for several weeks until I start progesterone oil shots on September 15th.  Our zygotes will be thawed on the 16th and transfer will be either the 18th or 20th.  I can’t believe it’s so close.  I’m so excited!

Thank you again for all of your love and support.  I’ll update you all again once we have transfer date.

With all my love,


Update: Our Fertility Journey

Happy Friday, friends!

Hope you all have had a great week.  Rudy and I have been at the beach this week with my family.  We have spent countless hours at the pool with the kiddos, walked on the beach, taken afternoon naps and have eaten anything and everything we wanted.  I’m sure I will regret that when I get back on the scale but I will just deal with that then.

I have not given an update since our egg retrieval on June 23rd, so I wanted to share the latest with you.  As I previously mentioned, Rudy was not able to be here for the retrieval as he has a business trip planned, so I had my dad and stepmom take me instead.  We arrived at the doctors office that morning around 8:30am and I was called back and hooked up to IVs by 9am.  Surgery was scheduled to begin at 9:45am, but those 45 minutes seem like eternity.  I get so anxious.  A thousand thoughts run through my mind…good thoughts and bad thoughts.  Dr. Katz came by to say good morning and asked how I was doing and I held back the tears.  It’s something about “How are you feeling?” that triggers emotions.  Luckily my dad and stepmom were able to take turns to keep me company and take my mind off things.

Then the time came.  They walked me back to the OR and got me situated and before I knew it I was waking up in the recovery room.  I apparently slept for 45 minutes after the surgery…guess I was tired.  Once I was fully awake, the doctor came by to tell me they retrieved 19 eggs…YAY, that is awesome. I was very happy with that number.  I had 20 eggs during my first IVF cycle and 15 in my 2nd cycle, so that sounded about right.

They instructed me to take it easy the rest of the day and they would call me tomorrow with updates on how many eggs fertilized and how many we had to freeze.  Friday came and they called to tell me that 12 of the eggs were mature enough to ICSI.  As a reminder, ICSI is just a fancy way to say fertilize.  They physically put the sperm with the egg.  Of those 12, seven were strong enough to freeze.  We froze on Day 1, so I think they are considered zygotes so we now have 7 frozen zygotes waiting for us.

Over the next two months, I am on Lupron Depot. I took my first shot on July 2nd and I will take another on August 2nd.  The shot lasts for 30 days and the doctor wants me to take it for 2 months to help suppress my endometriosis.  I will then start progesterone patches in September and take those for at least 18 days before we can do retrieval.   While we don’t know specifics about retrieval day we are headed into meet with Dr. Katz the first week of August to talk about next steps.  I’m so excited to know what’s next.  I’ll make sure to keep you updated!

Again, thanks for the continued support and love.  It means so much to us both!