The day has finally come. The first day of the last step of our final IVF cycle.
Today our 7 little zygotes are being removed from the freezer and will be thawed. Within hours, we will know how many survived the thawing process. Within days, we will know how many embryos we will transfer. Within weeks, we will know the outcome of our journey. And all of that has hit me hard this week.
I’m not sure that the word “overwhelmed” even begins to capture how I’m feeling. I had a check up on Monday morning and I have been extremely emotional since then. I’m happy…happy that it is finally time. I’m excited…so excited I allowed myself to looking at cribs and think about nursery design). I’m nervous…nervous to learn how many will survive the thawing process. I’m scared…scared that the quality will be the same as my last 2 cycles. I’m hopeful…very hopeful THIS IS OUR TIME!
I know I have to stay positive and, trust me, I have been since our retrieval in June. I’ve had this gut feeling that this is going to work this time. I’m going to get pregnant this time. I’m going to be a mom. Rudy is going to be a dad. We are going to be parents. But, I’m only human and I’ve struggled this week to not think about the other outcome. In every aspect of my life, I always prepare for disappointment. When I hurt, I hurt deep. And this…this will more than hurt me; this will break me.
So, while I always try to stay strong and avoid asking for help; today, I ask for your prayers. Pray that our zygotes survive the thawing process. Pray they develop into healthy embryos. Pray that we have a smooth transfer. Pray for the doctors taking care of us. Pray for us. We need to be lifted up, so any thought or any prayer would be more than welcomed and appreciated.
God, I trust in your plan for us. I know that only You control what is going happen. So today, I pray:
“You know my deep desire for a child
A little one to love and to hold, to care for,
to cherish. Grant that my body may conceive
and give birth to a beautiful, healthy baby in
Your holy image.
Guide me in all my choices so that this
conception, my pregnancy and my baby’s birth
are in line with Your will.
Heavenly Father and Holy Mother,
hear this prayer of my heart, mind and spirit.
With all my love,